I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
