Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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