I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
