There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
