I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
