new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I could make wine with my vomit
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
