real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
