dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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