at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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