i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
