is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
