The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
