so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
