You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
