So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
