she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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