When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
