I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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