i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
