Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize