I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
