I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think my moral compass just broke
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