Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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