If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
