I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If that was your dad, he is hot
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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