dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
