I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
