My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
