he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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