She is in my trunk
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
