i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
