I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
