Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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