those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
