i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
