theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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