But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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