So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
