The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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