uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
wow bdsm is so cute
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
