i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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