Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
