If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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