i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
