I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
