I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
there was a trapeze. enough said
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
