while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i think my cat just said my name.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
