moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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