Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
