Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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