at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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