I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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