if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
