I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
