never play flip cup with pint glasses
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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