Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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