I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
