I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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