I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
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