terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
