Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
