I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's just like the Real World with babies
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
