Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
