have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
