True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
