ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
