I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just found puke in my bra..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
