I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
