I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
